God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
