I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
