Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
