You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
