..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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