Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we should paint friendship bongs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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