So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
