Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
