do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
