If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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