textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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