I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
