how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
