I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
