People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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