I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
not ubering you a puppy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Never let your siblings swipe right.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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