dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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