i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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