She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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