No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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