If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
