he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
