Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
