So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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