shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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