I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
