she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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