Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
