he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My ATM looks so different sober.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
