1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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