I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
