i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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