just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
