I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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