I bet he comes in French.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Two words: nipple clamps
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