but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
