why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
