Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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