The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
