no, he came in my armpit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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