you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
