Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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