she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
