the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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