I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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