Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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