Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
