my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
