We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
