u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
