he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
