Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
