when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My pussy is not your playground.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
